My Grandmother, a brief history of.

Here is a list of reasons why I think my mother's mother is mildly deranged:



- She dressed up as Santa Claus and hailed down my school bus when we were going on an excursion. She was waving a big sign that said "Ho Ho Ho Luke and friends!". She then got on the bus and gave everybody lollies. I was fifteen years old and embarrassed enough to stab her face.



- She used to send "sexy" laminated photos to me. In the photos, my grandma was in an array of suggestive poses wearing lingerie and corsets. They were for my wallet. Now I'm a gay.



- She lives in an Indian commune and wears a Turban.



- She stripped down to a G-string and bra at the local bowling club and ran around the green. A friend of my brothers was there and called him while it was happening. She mentioned something about "The horror" and "The horror".



- She gave me a "sex talk" a couple of years ago. Words can't even begin to describe.



- She has a one piece swimsuit made out of Alligator skin with large holes cut in the back and in the front (no doubt to reveal her "lovely lady lumps").



- She got married. In a coconut bra.



- When I was little she took me to Cabramatta for a "culture" day.



fin.