Since an early age I have been writing all sorts of short stories for my Grandmother. Recently I was telling her about an art project I was working on with a good friend of mine where I had to write a short story and my friend would be making it into a small illustrated book. One of the resulting stories was "The Human Filing Cabinet".
As much as I tried to gently warn her about the "adult nature" of said story, my Grandmother insisted that I send it to her.
Terrified that she may draw "inspiration" from it, I did my best to dodge the subject when we were speaking on the phone. It didn't work. She nagged and nagged me for weeks on end so I snapped and thought:
"Fuck it. I'll send it. Yeah, I'll send it good. That will show her. That's the last time she pressures me for a god damn story".
Here is her reply:
Dear Luke,
Thanks for the story, very interesting & sad poor Elisa! did she die or is there a sequel? do you research your material or just make it up? because a lot you have written in the story does happen, I have had a lot to do with elderly people.
Send me some more of your stories Luke.
Was nice to catch up with you & have a chat.
Take care.
Love you
Grandma x x xo o o
What do you mean Grandma? What sorts of things have you done with elderly people? WHY DO YOU WANT A SEQUEL YOU SICKO?
The woman really is something else.
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My grandmother and I talked about "relationships" once. She told me how she met my Grandfather. He had previously told me they met at a football match and that she had chased him around all afternoon batting her eyelashes and what-not. She told me that it was actually a cricket match and that she found him passed out underneath the bleachers.
I'm glad, Sir. Pants, that our generation is somewhat more morally sound.
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